


Too much, never enough

by enterprisecat



Series: Never Enough Verse [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amputation, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Character Death Fix, Dubious Science, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I Am Sorry, I mean they deserve it so I will do my best to deliver it, Irondad, Medical Inaccuracies, Medical Procedures, Parent Tony Stark, Pepper is a badass woman, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Protective Pepper Potts, Protective Peter Parker, They all need a hug, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, i think so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-09 08:59:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18634969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enterprisecat/pseuds/enterprisecat
Summary: Tony's reactor flickers and fades out but not for forever. The only problem is that miraculous survival comes with a price...Avengers: Endgame fix-it.





	1. You couldn't say, "I need more time"

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't leave it like that. Even though I accept Tony's death as his story arc, I still disagree with it as a fic writer and a fan of Tony Stark. Please let me know your thoughts, if you wish you can simply vent in the comment section, I'd love to discuss the movie with all of you! And no without further ado - first chapter.
> 
> The title is taken from Florence and the Machine song: "Too much is never Enough"

Starks are truly made of iron.

They have to be, Pepper thinks for one crazy second before jumping to her feet as Tony’s reactor flickers back to life and everyone around her rushes to help and make sure that the light keeps shining this time.

Pepper stays frozen to her spot, unable to move, too terrified, too hopeful. She feels like a too sudden movement could destroy this precious moment when Tony is alive, is breathing again and maybe, just maybe he can stay this way.

Someone helps her to her feet; she thinks it might be Peter. Someone else tells her that Strange is opening a portal, and gold shine appears somewhere to her left, not that she can pay any real attention to it.

She reacts only when Rhodey tries to lift Tony.

“No!” she might have screamed judging by others’ reactions but she doesn’t care, not right now. “Let me, it should be me.”

Even in the suit it’s not easy to lift Tony from the ground, not when he’s so lifeless, when she tries so hard not to further damage the burnt flesh.

“Let me help,” Peter appears next to her and for a moment she wants to protest, but he’s already holding Tony’s legs, so gently as if they could break into million pieces so Pepper gives up, and they cross the portal together, with Rhodey just a step behind them.

They put Tony on a bed, the three of them; Pepper, Peter and Rhodey. She forces herself to pry her fingers of Tony’s body, and let more qualified people to help him.

Strange gently, but decisively throws him out of the room, so she sits on the floor, too tired and worried to move anywhere else.

“Pepper,” Rhodey’s voice is gentle. “We need to at least take get you from this suit.”

Pepper isn’t sure why it matters. As far as she is concerned she can stay in the suit or wear a ball gown, or even be naked; it just makes no difference.

Rhodey insists though and it’s simply easier to follow his lead rather than argue. She ends up on an overgrown armchair with a mug full of it that Peter forced into her hand and Pepper realizes she doesn’t know how much time has passed since…

The image of Tony’s broken body flashes through her mind and the mug falls from her hand, crashing on the wooden floor, hot tea spilling on her shoes.

“Miss Potts?” Peter’s voice is so quiet and hesitant. “Your heart is doing some crazy stuff right now, do you want to sit down?”

It might be a good idea, Pepper realizes as she slides down to sit in the puddle of tea.

“It’s Mrs. Stark now,” words spill from her mouth before she is aware of that. “But I told you million of time to call me Pepper.”

She might be crying; her cheeks are wet and when Peter leans toward her the only thing she can is accepting the hug.

“We got him,” he whispers in her ear. “Doctor Strange is like a regular wizard, he can fix him, Miss… I mean Mrs. Stark, he can do this totally crazy stuff, Tony will be fine, he needs to be, right?”

A sob escapes Pepper. She wishes she could confirm that, wishes she could be certain that the miracle that happened today will last .

But she’s not, how could she?

Tony’s whole life was leading to this very moment. Every decision he has made, starting in the cave in the secluded part of Afghanistan, ending with the decision to run all the possible models for time travel. All of this could have ended in only one way - wielding the Gauntlet. 

A part of Pepper knew it from the moment he has kissed her and Morgan goodbye and went back to the compound. Believing that his story might have another chapter sounds like a fantasy of a madman. 

Pepper wants to be mad at this moment.

Peter is crying in her arms, shaking slightly and she strokes his hair out of motherly instinct. 

“Morgan?” She catches eye contact with Rhodey who smile reassuringly in an answer.

“We’ve got her. She was a little scared for a moment but  _ auntie Carol  _ fixed this problem.”

Pepper nods her head, still stroking the sobbing kid. She cannot imagine how it is to be back after all those years but it seems to be catching on him, and Pepper cannot force herself to break the strong grip this boy is keeping her in. 

“How long…?” 

Rhodey moves. He’s anxious as well, she can now see it in his eyes, the way he keeps changing his position. He’s out of the suit as well, a plain black shirt and jeans out of place in the classical old interior.

“Three hours.”

Already? Pepper doesn’t know when it happened, it feels like three minutes ago she was kneeling in the ashes and debris, almost certain that the love of her life won’t come back to her, not this time. 

A portal opening mere half a meter from her startles her. Strange has blood on his hands and he looks exhausted beyond recognition but the small smile he gives her makes the hope blossom in her chest.

“Mrs. Stark,” he bows slightly. “If you could follow me.”

He takes a look on Peter, who’s still folded into himself on the floor, the traces of tears drying on his cheeks and Rhodey, who looks as if he was stricken by a lightning.

“He’s too tired for a greater number of visitors at this moment,” he explains, his voice soft. “I would appreciate if you two could inform the rest of my guests that at that moment Tony Stark is in a critical yet stable condition and that all that can done in the world is being done.”

The room Pepper enters through the portal smells of a burnt body, blood and has the indescribable odor of sickness. It looks differently than the previous rooms; it belongs to a modern hospital and as far as Pepper is aware it as well can.

Tony looks impossibly pale and small on his bed, right side of his face, the skin of his neck and arm covered with dressings. The heartbeat exposed on one of the monitors is too slow, barely there, the blood pressure also below the norm, but he’s breathing on his own and Pepper has never seen a thing of more beauty. 

He looks so frail that she hesitates before taking his left hand into hers, afraid she might break him further with a single touch.

“We aren’t sure what to expect,” Strange explains in a low voice. “The radiation is mostly a gamma one but there are other factors we need to take into consideration as well. What is important is that we were able to stabilize him. Banner is working on possible solutions as we speak. Mrs. Stark…” he hesitates for a moment. “I’m unable to make any promises, neither I know the possible outcomes, but please believe me when I say we’re doing all we can.”

Pepper swallows, not taking her eyes from Tony, her vulnerable, beautiful Tony, who risked everything for the living creatures all around universe.

She doesn’t know when he wakes up, but she’ll be here, waiting. 


	2. Oh, you wondrous creature

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am absolutely overwhelmed by the response given by all of you. I just saw an email informing about received kudos and it's completely crazy, the list goes on and on. Thanks you so much for that, and especially thank all of you who left a comment!  
> Somehow this story is becoming more Pepper-centric than I originally planned, but I strongly believe she deserves more recognition. She's the one that was able to deal with Tony Stark and make a family man out of him, which means going through the layers of fears and bullshit that he's built around him. And she absolutely rocked in that Rescue suit.  
> I'm realy anxious to hear how do you feel about this chapter!

Pepper wakes up with a start, for a second surprised with how stiff all her joints feel. For a precious moment she wonders if regularly falling asleep on a couch in a living room means getting old or just come as a package with motherhood.

The events of the last couple of hours come in a crushing wave and she realizes what woke her up - a raised voice of Bruce Banner, or rather Hulk, who is gesturing wildly at Tony from where he is standing. 

“We don’t know what it means, Strange!” he’s close to shouting and Pepper realizes he is not aware of her presence; he’s standing back to her. 

“Oh, shut up, would you?!” Strange finally snaps and gives Pepper a fake smile. “I’m sorry we woke you up like that.”

The look Hulk/Bruce gives her confirms her fears. He knows something about Tony’s state but doesn’t want to share it willingly. Suddenly stiff joints are no longer a problem as Pepper finds herself across the room.

“What’s going on?” she demands fervently. All health indicators look more or less the same as previously, with heartbeat slightly raised in comparison to the previous sluggish rhythm.

“Pepper.”

It’s easy to forget that this full of himself hybrid of a human and the other guy is at least partially the same person Pepper has learnt to love and admire as a friend all those years ago. They used to spend so much time together with Tony that sometimes Pepper wondered who is in a relationship with whom. 

“Bruce,” she says now. “You need to tell me, hiding facts… I need to know.”

There’s desperation in her voice, something she rarely allows other to hear but she doesn’t care. She was given hope and she’ll fight tooth and nail not to lose it. 

Hulk/Bruce sighs. “We don’t know yet. There are some atypical reactions going on in the cells of his hand. If it starts spreading, we might need to think about amputation.”

Pepper shivers. It might look like a small price to pay for being alive but Tony has always defined himself through his work, even after Morgan came to the world he was still designing something, checking his theories and building new things, sometimes only for the sheer pleasure of creation. 

“Whatever it takes.” The decision was made when the arc reactor came back to life on the battlefield - they will deal with the side effects later. 

“In the meantime, Mrs. Stark, we don’t need another patient on our hands,” Strange interrupts. “You need to take a shower, eat and get some proper rest. Tony is heavily sedated so the chances he’s waking up in the nearest hours is low. There’s also a whole queue of people ready to accompany him as he sleeps, even though it’s quite nonsensical at this point.”

Pepper wants to protest, but somewhere there’s Morgan, most likely scared by the amount of time that has passed since she’s seen any of her parents. That’s enough to partially agree with Stephen - a shower, a meal, a rest might wait until she’s sure her daughter is her usual confident self.

The dark corridor with a wooden floor feels strangely fresh and only now Pepper realizes how strong the smell of sickness is in Tony’s room. That alone is enough to make her nauseated but she smiles seeing Morgan accompanied by Peter Parker. 

“Mom!” she dashes towards her but there’s a huge grin on her face. “Mom, he’s a spider but a cool one, the one daddy was telling me about!”

“I know, honey. Though he’s not a spider, technically,” Pepper gently stops Morgan from jumping on her with outstretched hands. She doesn’t want her to smell the odor of sickness than lingers on her clothes and skin. “Mommy is dirty, darling, you need to let me take a shower first, okay? And then I will give you thousands hugs.”

Morgan thinks for a moment. “Okay,” she concedes. “Do you know that auntie Carol can glow?”

The sheer excitement in her voice makes Pepper’s smile even bigger but the description itself is strangely accurate.

“I know,” she admits. “She looks beautiful like that, doesn’t she. I need you to stay with Peter just for a moment longer, okay?”

Peter gives her a panicked look over Morgan’s shoulder but doesn’t protest.

“How’s…” he starts and hesitates. Clearly, he has discovered already that nothing can pass Morgan’s attention. 

“It’s as good as it can be,” Pepper hopes she’s being cryptic enough, and Morgan still seems to be contemplating Carol’s unusual abilities.  

The shower feels like a salvation, taking away the smell and blood that Pepper wasn’t even aware of. She discovers multiple bruises are covering her body, starting at calfs and going up to the neck; they are quite painful.

She carefully examines them in the mirror and decides they can be covered with proper clothes.

Damn.

She’s got nothing she could change into. For a moment she looks in the mirror, her hair wet and feels the wave of helplessness crushing on her.

Tony almost died, and he’s still can die. At most he’ll need to deal with aftermath of his sacrifice for the rest of his life.

And Pepper… She made the most terrifying and hardest decision of her life - she was ready to let him go forever. Nausea comes back at full strength, together with an immense guilt.

She shouldn’t have leave his bedside, her place is there, waiting for the moment he opens his eyes, those expressive eyes that told her so many things during their years together.

She’s afraid what they might tell her now. 

She spits to the sink, hoping to get rid of the bitterness from her mouth and takes a deep breath. 

A gentle knock on the door startles her.

“Pepper?” the voice sounds vaguely familiar and it takes a moment for Pepper to put a correct face to it.

“Carol,” she breathes out and puts on the fluffy rob that waits on the hanger. Carol is waiting behind the door smiling gently, looking way more gentle and harmless than during the battle. Pepper can understand why Morgan got so excited about her - there’s a certain aura of calmness and reassurance surrounding her. 

“I realized you don’t have anything to change to.” she explains. “Those should fits you well enough.”

Pepper accepts the sweater and pants with fresh set of underwear with labels still attached to them, feeling eternally grateful. 

“Thank you,” she says and blinks, trying to stop the tears that threaten to overflow, but they spill anyway and Pepper finds herself in the exact position that she hates; crying in front of a virtual stranger.

“Hey,” Carol catches her and, when Pepper doesn’t protest against the touch, gently embraces her. “It’s okay,” she says soothingly. “It’s fine to cry.”

She gently strokes Pepper’s back, taking the weight of her as Pepper comes undone, letting the fear and worry go out, unleashed. 

She hates that, being weak, when Tony needs her, but emotions run too high to stop them. She feels like she could cry for a week, but fate has other plans for her.

A portal opens right next to them; Strange has an anxious look on his face and somehow it helps Pepper to calm down.

Tony needs her so she must remain peaceful. A sobbing wreck cannot help him.

“He woke up,” Strange urges and Pepper goes through the portal, abandoning the clothes that Carol brought her behind. 

Fluffy robe or not, Tony needs her by his side.


	3. Oh, grant that I can stay the night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes an update, dear Readers!  
> I'm so humbled with the response received for this story - it was supposed to be a one-shot, then a two chapter story, but it keeps growing bigger and bigger and one of the reasons (aparat from not being able to let Tony Stark go) is all of you, who read this story and leave your feedback.   
> I love you 3000!

“Pep,” it’s not even a whisper, just a breath out, the sound barely there, but it proves that he’s awake and that’s enough to send her on her knees next to the bed. 

“Tony, Tony,” she repeats. “I’m here, we’re here, you did it. You saved us all.”

He’s barely able to keep his eyes open. Pepper knows he’s drugged out of his mind, both Stephen and Bruce confirmed that the brain activity indicated an extreme pain, but somehow he manages to focus on her.

“You were…”

“Tony don’t,” Pepper silences him quietly but he’s been always too stubborn for his own good.

“So beautiful… in the… suit,” he manages to finish and tries to take a deeper breath which ends with a flash of pain going through the visible part of his face. 

Pepper takes a quick look on the monitor and is reassured by the steady beat of his heart. As he breathes through the pain, she breathes with him, as she did many times for him when he woke up covered in sweat, barely holding the grasp on reality. 

She breathes with him and cannot imagine a sound more beautiful than those hoarse inhalations and exhalations. She kisses the fingers of his unhurt hand and realizes she’s crying again, big tears leaving a wet trail on his skin. Stephen gives her a cup filled with ice chips and she gently puts one of them into Tony’s mouth, who relaxes minutely and sucks on it with visible relief. 

Pepper tries to stay calm; Tony has always hated seeing her cry, especially when he was the cause for her tears so she puts on her collected face and gives him a small smile.

“How’s….” Tony tries again but he doesn’t need to finish the sentence for Pepper to understand.

“They are fine, just bruises and scratches,” she takes his hand again, a butterfly touch. “Morgan fell in love with her new aunt, Carol. Peter is anxious about you, by the way, he would gladly storm your room if it was accessible by a door not a portal. But he managed to convince Morgan that spiders are cool.”

She knows he’s babbling but it seems to calm Tony down, his muscles relaxing gradually and should stop him from talking as well, and Pepper doesn’t want him to lose any more precious energy.

“You surprised us, as always, waking up so early, so stubborn. You’ve got the best care you could have dreamt of, you know that Bruce is the expert on gamma radiation and with Stephen… They will get you on your feet in no time. Morgan… she saw me in the suit and went crazy about it but she said that I never wear things that daddy buys me, I’ve got a feeling that you have something to do with that.”

She speaks quieter with each word, seeing how Tony starts falling asleep, until she whispers barely audibly. Once she is sure that Tony is fast asleep, she stands up, feeling out of place in the fluffy robe among all those medical devices. 

“Mrs. Stark,” Strange whispers as well, his eyes checking all the vitals. “I believe you might want to finish what I interrupted and get dressed. We can talk over the breakfast.”

The kitchen matches the corridors, with a stone floor and huge wooden table right in the middle. Is warm, the air filled with a smell of fresh waffles and bacon. 

Pepper sits down heavily and observes Stephen Strange opening a bottle of a maple sirup. With a surprise she realizes that thought not really hungry she’s not opposed to the idea of eating.

“There are two main concerns at this moment,” Strange explains as he serves her a portion of still hot waffles with banana on a side. “Above all, he’s very weak. You could see it yourself - we’re pumping his veins with microelements and vitamins to help his body recover more quickly. The fact he woke up is a very good sign here, and natural sleep rather than drug induced one works in his favour as well.”

Pepper hesitantly takes a bite of a waffle. It is delicious, fresh and soft and surprises her with the wholeness of its taste. 

“The second and more problematic thing are the cell changes in his right hand. It has already spread above the wrist, so time is of essence here. Luckily, those changes do not include other parts of the body. He’s severely burnt.”

Pepper nods and puts away the breakfast plate, realizing how nonsensical of her was to believe she can go through a list of Tony’s injuries while happily chewing on a waffle.

“Mrs. Stark… Pepper,” Strange corrects himself and Pepper braces herself; doctor that announced her father is dying of cancer switched to her first name all of sudden as well.  

“If want to preserve Tony’s arm from the elbow up we need to perform an amputation, basically right now. However, in his state such an operation is an immense risk.”

Pepper closes her eyes. Tony cannot make the decision; weak and in pain, traumatized and drugged - it’s be like asking a two years old for an opinion about their treatment plan.

“What will happen if you don’t operate?” she’s surprised to sound so calm while her brain is splitting in half with the emotions he’s feeling.

“The mutation will spread, most likely without stopping until the whole body is contaminated. Afterwards… We could only pray for swift and merciful death.”   

Pepper almost trips the glass of water she’s trying to take a sip from, her hand shaking so badly. 

“I don’t have too much choice, do I." 

Strange nods his head. "From my side I recommend this treatment plan."

Tony wakes up when she enters the room, his eyes bleary. He’s unable to speak at all through the haze of the latest dosage of painkillers and it breaks her heart all over again.

She tells him what’s going to happen anyway, unsure whether he can fully understand her; he still breathes a single “yes” as she finishes talking and a huge weight lifts of her heart.

She asks Strange to have Peter and Rhodey see Tony before the surgery. More people would love to pay him a visit, but there is not enough time.

The kid is both happy and devastated, when he looks at Tony. Tony focuses on him for a moment, his lips forming a silent: “Peter”. She’s never seen anyone smiling so brightly as the kid does after that.

She ensures that Morgan can stay under Carol’s care. Their girl is absolutely in love with her new auntie, and Carol seems to be enjoying herself as well.

“Tony is invincible in her eyes. She was traumatized for a month after seeing him having a flu,” Pepper explains quietly as she watches her daughter play with some kind of specialized tech gadget. She isn’t sure what it can do, but it’s not Tony’s.

“She reminds me of another girl,” Carol says with a smile. “She’s so bright and full of life. I think I needed a reminder like this in my life, it’s been too long.”

 

***

 

The clock on a wall is terribly loud, each passing second indicated by a noisy tick-tock. Pepper cannot take her eyes of it, every tiny movement of a hand of a clock seemingly taking at least an hour. 

Around three to four hours Strange said and Pepper is counting.

Peter has fallen asleep, his head resting on Rhodey’s arm. Rhodey tried to get him to sleep in a bed, but the kid protested so fervently that he quickly gave up on that idea. They need to go back to that, Pepper thinks. Once Strange finally emerges from the surgery room, maybe then all of them can get some rest…

“Pepper?” Rhodey’s voice is low. “You okay?”

I spaced out, Pepper realizes, her eyes moving back to the clock immediately. Lost around twenty minutes of the precious time. Tony could have died and I was sleeping.

A part of her panics, and it must be showing in her eyes because Rhodey gently wakes Peter up and goes to her.

“Hey,” he takes her left hand in his. “It’s okay, you didn’t miss anything, we’d wake you up.”

Peter is blinking groggily behind him but as soon as his eyes lands on Pepper he rushes to her. 

“Mrs. Stark? Do you need something? Water? I can bring one of those waffles, they are like super delicious, and doctor Strange, I think he put a spell on them or something, because they just appear…”

His logorrhea is cut in the middle when the door opens to reveal tired Stephen Strange.

Pepper stays seated; the possibility she’ll pass out when standing up is to big to risk it, even now she feels light-headed. 

Pepper grabs Peter’s hand, vaguely aware that she squeezing hard enough to leave bruises.

“He’s stable,” Stephen says without preamble. “A fighter.” There’s a clear admirance. “You can see him in a moment, when he’s all set up in the room.”

There’s an oxygen mask on his face and Pepper very deliberately avoids looking at his right hand. There’ll be time for that, to deal with that loss and its consequences.

For now she just breathes deeply, gently entangles her fingers with his and waits for him to wake up. 

 


	4. Somewhere between sorrow and bliss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over 200 kudos. It's crazy! I know I'm repeating myself, but (while I know there are stories with thousands of kudos) this response is just amazing. Especially, that at this moment not everything in my life is going so well, and all the comments and kudos are basically making my days brighter.  
> I tried to write fluff... Oh well.

Tony’s left hand keeps moving toward his right side to brush the blanket where the rest of his right hand should be, an exercise in futility. 

It breaks Pepper a little, each time it happens and she has to force herself not to grab his hand to stop him; she doubts he’s even ever of that little gesture.

Sun shines on his face and he squints his eyes against it, half-sitting, half-laying on a couch, draped in a pink fluffy blanket that belongs to Morgan.

He wouldn’t be able to sit through a car trip to home, but Stephen gave up on trying to keep him in a hospital bed any longer and opened the portal straight to their home. Pepper thinks that secretly as happy as the rest of them to see Tony freed from the anchors of medical devices, surrounded with his family. Stephen checks on Tony daily, opening portals in random places in their house, but never in the same room as they room. At least not after Pepper screamed and threw salt cellar at him the first time he suddenly appeared in their living room. 

The lines of pain on Tony’s face are less visible, his body relaxed despite the fact that Pepper knows for sure he’s still in great deal of pain; it’s been only two weeks after all and the fact he’s with them, in his own home, remains a miracle. 

Morgan keeps running between him and Peter in what started as a elaborated game and quickly became a chaotic attempts to stop her from thinking too much about bandages covering her daddy’s body and the unmissable stump in place of his right hand. The moment Morgan saw Tony she asked about his hand but Pepper knows this topic will be brought back again. And again. And again. Typically for a almost five years old. 

Pepper gently fixes his pillow and kisses him in the temple, stealthy checking if his forehead doesn’t feel too hot; Stephen’s lecture about infections cannot be easily forgotten. Tone refused to have his temperature measured for the fourth time in a couple of hours so Pepper uses the same tricks she has for Morgan. 

Who decides it’s the high time to jump on her daddy and give him a hug. 

Tony goes rigid for a second but before anyone in the room can react, his arms go around her. 

“You’re getting real big,” his voice is strained and Pepper can only imagine how much pain he is in but feels incapable of taking Morgan away from him. She was afraid that he’d never hug his daughter again and seeing them together melts her heart. Her eyes fill with unwanted tears that threaten to overspill any second, and god, she doesn't want to cry in front of Morgan, their little girl is confused as it is.

“Hey, big girl,” Peter gently lifts her from Tony, the strength of his slim body surprising Pepper all over again. “Wanna go to the lake? I saw this huge duck today's morning, we can try to find it, okay?”

Pepper will be forever grateful for having Peter with them; she cannot thank May enough for agreeing to this temporary arrangement. There's wonder in Tony's eyes each time he looks at this kid, much the same as the one previously reserved for Morgan only. The level of empathy mixed with sheer enthusiasm Peter is showing on every step works as a perfect distraction for Tony, and for Pepper herself. It's harder to come apart when there are two kids in your house.

Right now, though, Pepper barely stops a sob that threatens to escape her.

She sits down next to Tony and tries to focus on bandages - is there any fresh blood visible? He’s prone to bleed when a little bit of force is applied to the stump and Morgan aimed her jump perfectly. Her vision blurs with unshed tears and she loses a fight with the next sob.

“Pep?’ Tony tries to get up to a more sitting position, fails and decides to catch her hand instead. “Honey?”

His hand is cold; he can’t get warm, as if his body lost ability to produce any kind of heat after being burned so badly. 

“I’m sorry,” Pepper sobs, the tension and stress of the last two weeks catching up on her like a tsunami. She has fought with the incoming breakdown for the past three days, ever since Tony was wheeled into their house through a portal.

She wishes she could escape, spare Tony this sight, but knowing him he’d try to follow her and pass out after two steps, so she stays beside him.

He squeezes her hand, as hard as he can.

"Pepper, my love,” there’s worry in his voice.”Come here.”

She lays down, trying to fit beside him, without touching. She’s perpetually scared she might aggravate his injuries by  accident. 

“Pep, come on,” Tony sighs. “I won’t break because you cuddle with me.”

Tears are still flowing as she puts her head on his good side listens to one of the most beautiful sounds in the whole world, his heartbeat.

God, she missed that. There’s still a lingering odor of sickness to him but faint enough that she can ignore it. If he was just a little bit warmer, she could pretend nothing has happened and soon enough her husband goes to prepare a dinner for them, trying out a new recipe found on some culinary blog. 

Tony sighs and gives her a butterfly kiss on the top of the head. 

“I wish I could take you to our bed,” he says quietly. “Carry you there, in fact, we haven’t done it in ages, I think the last time Morgan followed us and tried to hide under the bed.”

“She almost succeeded,” Pepper chuckles. 

Tony stays silent for a moment. “I want to be able to carry her, until she’s too big for that. Give Peter’s suit another update… I,” he swallows, hard, stopping himself.

“It was the only way,” Pepper says carefully. 

They haven’t talked about the amputation, not yet. Tony wasn’t surprised by the state of his hand when he regained consciousness, confirming that he was able to understand her at least partially, but she knew this topic was waiting for them. 

“I know, Pep,” Tony interrupts her. “I know, it’s just...”

“Daddy!” Morgan has an absolute delight written all over her face as she runs into the room. “This duck was the biggest and then Peter showed me he can fly, like you, only not, because he doesn’t  make the noise! Auntie Carol can fly too, will I fly when I’m big?”

“Sorry!” Peter practically throws himself before Morgan, stopping her from jumping on Tony once again. He’s still wearing his Spider-man suit, and a bright smile, that fades when he takes a look on Tony.

“We’ll see about flying,” Pepper untangles herself from Tony and tries to give Peter reassuring smile, even though she’s bound to fail - no mirror is need for her to know that the whole makeup exists now only as smudges on her face, her eyes red and puffy. 

Peter is looking from her to Tony, unsure on how to react and if he should comment. He keeps his hold on Morgan, who seems to be perfectly content with that and clings to his hand.

Pepper kneels down to get to Morgan’s level.

“Can you draw us the duck, while mommy changes the bandages?”

Morgan squints her eyes suspiciously. 

“I can do that,” Peter interrupts suddenly. “Change the bandages, I mean, I can draw, like at all.”

Pepper hesitates for a moment. She knows he can do that - Stephen made sure that anyone close to Tony can take care of his injuries. Still, the sight of them makes slightly sick even her. She takes a quick look at her daughter and relents. 

“Thank you,” she says softly and intercepts Morgan’s hand. 

As they leave the room she can hear Peter’s babbling behind them. 

  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Retreating in covers and closing the curtains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all, for the comments and for kudos and for making this story the most liked one in my collection!  
> I have some additional plans in regards to this "universe" and possible one-shots that could take place in it.  
> I know that I promised fluff but my brain went to some darker regions... I'm sorry.

“No!” Pepper screams frantically as Tony goes down to his knees, his eyes wide but already unseeing. She wants to rush toward him but the suit doesn’t allow that, keeping her in place, forcing her to see her husband, the love of her life to die without her on his side.

But that’s not right, that's not how it happened.

She was with him through what she has thought were the last seconds of his life. No one and nothing could have stopped her from that - she would tear her way through with bare hands if that was needed. 

She wakes up with a jolt, in their bed, twisted in the bedsheets and just breathes for a moment, trying to compose herself. Once she’s sure the horrors of the dream are not written all over her face she turns to check on Tony.

Who’s not in the bed.

Pepper leaps to her feet, sleepness gone in a matter of seconds; Tony’s became much more mobile during the past week but he’s still barely able to move around the house without a wheelchair, no matter how hard he insists he is. The image of him, laying 

The wheelchair is standing right next to his side of the bed, abandoned. 

Typical - the one night Pepper has fallen asleep way before him, exhausted beyond her limits, Tony decides to make a midnight trip around the house. The fact she didn’t wake up when he was scrambling to his feet is a testimonial to her weariness. 

The bathroom and Morgan's room are dark; a part of Pepper is astounded that Tony got pass the stairs, without making enough sound to wake up the whole house. The rest want to find him as soon as possible and make sure he's unharmed. 

The familiar light of holographic monitors seeps through the garage door. It brings Pepper back to the times when she can bet on Tony’s spending the whole night, trying to solve the unsolvable. She hesitates for a second before opening the door.

“FRIDAY, make a search for Edward Pine, surgeon. I need an address, a list of hobbies, compile a list of possible gifts.”

“Yes, boss, right away.”

Tony is sprawled on the couch, his forehead resting on his left hand, covering the healthy part of his face. The still healing burns on his face stand out in the bluish light and for a second Pepper looks at them, wishing she could erase them from existence, make him him whole and unscratched.

“Edward Pine, 54” FRIDAY displays a picture of the surgeon Pepper has met only fleetingly. Strange introduced him as the best one there is, recommending him as the lead surgeon for Tony's surgery.. She bites her lip, remembering the blood on his white apron and turns to Tony, who squints at her with his right eye.

She makes a mental note to check if the vision in it still worsens and steps into the garage.

"Tony, what are you doing?” she keeps the anxiety at bay. While slowly progressing with physical recovery Tony started to show the signs of erratic behaviours Pepper remembers all to well.

“Well, I never said thank you, I mean the guy basically saved my life. With the others, obviously. Strange was clearly surprised he managed to save that much of my hand, so I decided I’m gonna say “thank you” to him, just need a proper gift idea. FRIDAY display the list and read first ten items.” Tony doesn’t even look at the screens, closing his eyes against a brighter flash. Pepper basically feels his forming headache in her own head. One of the screens she sees a couple of picture with bionic arms and a list of companies.

“FRIDAY, don’t read it,” Pepper orders and turns to Tony.”I can see what you are doing and that’s not the point. What are you really doing here, Tony, in the middle of the night?”

Tony finally raises his head. Both his eyes are bloodshed and weary. “Pep, it's just rude, he performed the surgery and…”

Pepper shakes her head and goes to sit down next to him. His feets are cold enough to feel it through the socks so she reaches for the blanket hanging on the headrest and puts it around him.

“Tony, you're deflecting,” she informs him, not ungently. “Why are you here?”

He shakes his head minutely.

“FRIDAY, save the list and turn on the sleep mode,” he says quietly and focuses on Pepper.

“The truth is…” The pause is long enough that Pepper gets scared he won’t continue. She doesn’t pressure him, though, letting him follow his pace. Tony rubs his face and winces a little catching the healing skin.

“The healthier I get, the more I realize what happened…” he continues finally, his voice low, “the more overwhelming it gets. I didn’t plant to go down here, but I woke up, just went to the bathroom and saw this,” he tries to gesture at himself with both hands, “ and I couldn’t go back to sleep because I knew I’d dream and, Pep, I don’t want to dream. Not yet, I almost want to sleep in the painkiller induced haze so I can’t have dreams.”

“Tony,” Pepper reaches out and touches the forming scars on his face. “We will go through it. Just don’t run away from us, don’t close yourself on me and I promise that we will go through this.”

She gives him a gentle peck on his right cheek, a gentle touch she was avoiding up to this point.

“You did it, Tony. You won, for all of us but you weren’t alone then, and you’re not alone now. Remember about it.”

Tony frowns.

“I remember… I think I remember that Peter kept repeating that I did it, I wasn’t sure…”

Pepper leans back. “You could hear us?”

“Yes,” Tony gives her a weak smile. “First Peter and then you. Like someone put mute on the whole universe but the two of you.”

"Oh, Tony," she sighs and cannot any longer fight the urge. She was gentle and careful with her touches, always making sure they land on the unscathed areas, while she misses the passion and the easiness. She leans toward him and kisses him, for the first time not caring if it can cause any pain. It feels familiar, as it always does - like coming back home from a long journey, but differently at the same time, those little details, seemingly not important but changing everything. His lips are slightly cracked and his hand is freezing cold on her back, but he kisses her back with such yearning that Pepper sighs and relaxes into the kiss.

Tony makes a muffled noise against her mouth and raises his right hand to move the loose strands of her hair that tickles him in the nose.

As reality hits, he breaks the kiss and moves back before Pepper can react and stop him. 

"Let's go back to the bed," he says,, and braces himself on the healthy hand to stand up. His legis give up before he gets fully upright, and goes down with a startled "oh".

Pepper rushes to catch him, surprised how light he feels in her arms; she hasn't realised how much weight he has lost.

There's pain written all over his face, mixed with desperation as she  helps him to sit down on the couch. He’s panting but looks otherwise unharmed. 

She knows Stephen wouldn't approve that - Tony should be getting a full night of sleep in a comfortable bed, but mental comfort is as much the part of the recovery process as sleep is. 

"Let's stay here for the rest of the night," she says with a forced smile.

Tony breathes in, a long inhale that Pepper starts counting the rhythm for out sheer habit.

Finally he looks up with gratitude, gives her a sad smile and gestures at the couch.

When she embraces him, trying to find a comfortable position, she can feel him trembling. 

  
  
  
  
  



	6. Never, never, never enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it. That's the last chapter of this installment, though I have a strong feeling that are more stories to come. Also, I made it fluffy. I actually wrote fluff for the first time in my life today, and my very first stories were written in 2010...
> 
> Thank you so much all for being here with me - it was so great to have the possibility to answer your comments and hear your thoughts!  
> I love you all so MUCH!

Pepper would love to wait behind the closed door until Bruce comes out and confirms that Tony’s levels are stable and within what should be expected after wielding one of the most powerful artefacts in the whole universe. It doesn’t make any sense - even Bruce decided they can check them every three days instead of doing it every single day -after all it’s been five weeks already and every examination confirms that Anthony Edward Stark is very hard to kill. Still, she cannot stop worrying; Tony is not fully healed, and most likely will never reach the health levels from before, and while Pepper understands that she often lays awake in the night checking if he’s breathing.

Tony doesn’t seem to mind that. Pepper suspects that partially it’s because he understands how she feels. After Extremis she caught him checking her breath or pulse in the middle of the night at least a couple of times. In the same time he grows restless with those new physical limits and starts pushing on them more and more every day, and that worries Pepper in return. 

Pepper sighs and shields her eyes from the sun with her hand. Morgan is running about ten meters in front of her, with a crooked tree as her goal. They went for a walk early in the morning before Bruce arrived at their house. Pepper simply wanted to spend some time with her daughter as well as a distraction, but the weather turned out to be so amazing that they are still outside, two hours later, going slowly toward the city; Pepper recklessly promised ice creams and now she needs to deliver.

The sound of engine startles her; they barely have any visitors and this road doesn’t lead to anywhere else than their house.

“Morgan!” she yells just in case. “There’s a car coming, come to me!”

Morgan reaches her, dragging a huge branch behind her the same moment a black Mercedes appears ahead of them. It slows down - the driver must have noticed them - and finally stops as they come closer. 

Pepper takes Morgan hand in hers and waits.

The door opens to reveal Nick Fury, wearing his usual coat despite the weather.

“Miss Potts,” Fury smiles “the woman I was looking for.”

Pepper sighs. “It’s Mrs. Stark, actually, as you are probably already aware.”

Fury shakes his head.

“Hard to wrap my head around it,” he admits. “Too many things have changed during those five years.”

He crouches and extends his hand.

“You must be Morgan Stark,” he says. “I used to work with your daddy for some time.”

Morgan judges him for a moment but finally steps ahead and shakes his hand, abandoning the branch behind her. 

“Apologies for interrupting such a beautiful afternoon,” Fury stands up. “May I join you?”

Pepper sighs but nods her head. Fury’s presence reminds her about the world outside and the fact that soon rather than later she’ll need to call it a vacation and come back to being a CEO one of the biggest companies in the world and one of the few that actually survived the Decimation. 

“She looks a lot like her father,” Fury observes looking at Morgan who is currently playing with some high-tech gadget that Pepper doesn’t recognize. She frowns and makes a mental note to check with Tony if he’s given her anything new. They have a very strict rule when it comes to Tony’s inventions but Morgan is quite capable of finding stuff that should never be touched by a kid.

“She does,” Pepper agrees. The similarities were there from the moment Morgan was born, with Pepper laughing that Tony will never be able to deny the fatherhood. 

“Mrs. Stark, I don’t want to take the rest of the afternoon, so let me be go straight to the point,” Fury turns to her. “Will Tony Stark be able to wear the suit in the future?”

Pepper frowns, suddenly feeling cold in the warmth of August sunlight. 

“Is there any threat?” she asks, very quietly. 

“The whole universe is on the move,” Fury explains. “We’ve had Carol Danvers checking on the situation and it seems that death of Thanos and his supporters has opened new possibilities for many beings. There’s no way of telling how it will influence Earth’s future.”

Pepper closes her eyes. She doubts she’ll ever be able to forget how it feels to fly the uniform and shoot with intention to kill, to be a part of the battle rather than observing if from a TV screen. 

“I cannot speak on behalf of Tony,” she says finally. “There’s no way of saying whether being an Iron Man is still a part of his life.”

She swallows and looks away from Fury. “However, no matter what Tony decides, if there’s a need, a threat that cannot be defeated, you can consider me as a part of the rescue mission.”

 

***

 

Tony calls them when they are five minutes from home, pretending that he was simply bored, with Peter spending this day with May, but Pepper knows he got worried by their long absence.

She gives Bruce a welcoming hug and passes Morgan to him. She absolutely loves the fact his skin is green, as well as his strength, and Pepper knows he’s fond of her as well.

Tony follows her into the kitchen, observing her carefully.

“What’s wrong?” he asks as soon as Morgan and Bruce are out of hearing reach. 

Pepper embraces him lightly. “First tell me the results.”

Tony smiles in answer, a real open-mouthed smile that Pepper loves so much. 

“Closer to real norms than ever before, Bruce almost went crazy and decided that I had to be messing up with my body, couldn’t believe I’’m just that good by myself.”

For a moment Pepper forgets about Fury’s words.

“That’s amazing!” she kisses him, hard. “Did you call Peter? You know how worried he always is.”

“Yes,” Tony murmurs against her cheek. “May says hello, by the way.”

Pepper wishes they could stay like this forever, keep the genuine joy in Tony’s voice, ignore the new possible threats. Morgan screams happily from the garden and Tony tightens his embrace around Pepper. 

He kisses her neck, gently at first but before she realizes kisses turn into light bites and she moans quietly.

God, she missed that.

The sound of closing door make them jump away from each other like a pair of guilty teenagers. Pepper fixes her shirt that somehow got half-opened but smiles genuinely seeing Rhodey. He stops for a moment, looking between the two of them with a knowing smile.    
“Bad timing?” he asks finally with a grin.

“The worst, pal,” Tony answers but goes through the kitchen to give him a short hug. The last time Rhodey was at their house Tony was barely mobile - the chaos of bringing back half of the population still requires a lot of work- so his eyes widen with surprise. 

“You seem to be doing much better.” he says with admiration. 

Tony shrugs in answer but doesn’t deny. 

They settle in the kitchen table, with a mug of decaf coffee for Tony.

“Pep, the thing?” Tony says quietly. She doesn’t hesitate. 

“When I was on a walk with Morgan, I’ve met Fury,” she says.

Tony chokes on the coffee.

“What he wanted from you?” Rhodey asks immediately. 

Pepper takes a deep breath. She knew this topic would arise one day, but she was hoping they could go on for a couple more weeks without discussing it.

“He was asking if you are up to use your Iron Man suit,” she says quietly, looking at Tony, who simply starts coughing harder. 

“Why?” Rhodey knows as well as they that nothing is accidental when it comes to Nick Fury. “Did he tell you, or gave you a non-answer?”

That’s the moment Pepper dreads the most. Tony has lived in the shadow of Thanos’ threat for such a long time, hearing that eliminating him might not be enough can be breaking.

“Carol reported potential threats,” she admits slowly. “She’s out there, observing what are the aftereffects… I believe Fury wants to learn the ground he’s standing on.” 

Tony is silent, looking into his mug with a frown.

“Tony?” Pepper says softly. “How are you feeling?”

Tony breathes deeply and looks up. “It’d be too easy to have just one enemy out there, wouldn’t it.” his voice is hard, the previous joy gone completely. “It would be stupid to think so, to be honest but…” he pauses for a moment. “I don’t know. I don’t know if I ever be able to wear the suit and if yes, if I want to do that,” he shakes his head. “There’s so many things that I cannot think about right now, I need time to go through them but for now there’s one I want to focus one, actually, Pepper, I wanted to speak about it with you today, since Peter is not here but Rhodey can be useful as well,” he smiles again, a little forced this time but Pepper doesn’t pressure. He promised her not to try to deal with everything on his own but Pepper knows he needs time, and she’s prepared to give him as much of it as she can.

“10th of August is in three days,” Tony continues. “We need to prepare for it.”

Rhodey gives him a confused look.

Pepper frowns as well before realizing.

Peter’s birthday.

The only day during the whole year when Tony would pour himself a drink, sitting on his own in the garage. Even Morgan was forbidden from playing with his daddy on that day. The first time it happened Pepper went down to the garage, trying to soothe the pain and the guilt but they ended up fighting. Tony didn’t sleep at bed that night. 

The second anniversary Pepper joined him and poured herself a drink as well, drinking to the memory of the kid. The third year Tony started telling her stories how Peter joining him in the labs, his enthusiasm and joy of learning new things. 

“Peter’s birthday, the first real one if five years,” she says out aloud. “You want to throw a party for him.”

“You bet I want,” Tony smiles. “The kid missed so many birthday parties, we need to make sure this one is unforgettable.”

The longer Pepper thinks about, the more she likes the idea - not only it will give Tony’s a bright and joyful goal but also help erasing sad memories connected with that date. 

“How many guests?” she asks, entering her personal assistant mode without realizing. 

“FRIDAY,” Tony says “create a new destination folder, call it PSB and make sure that Peter Parker doesn’t have access to it. Add a new document to the folder, name it Guest List.”

They spent the rest of the afternoon wondering who should be invited to the party. Bruce joins them and prepares a dinner for all five of them, with Morgan’s help, giving them helpful advices from behind the kitchen countertop. 

“Guardians have left Earth with Thor,” Pepper says, shaking her head. “There’s no way they’re coming back for a birthday party.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Tony insists so they are added to the list. 

They end up with over thirty names on the list so they go through it again, clearing it up. In the meantime Tony starts five more lists for various objects and Pepper gets progressively more grateful for not being his personal assistant any longer.  

FRIDAY is given a task of contacting all the guests on their behalf and Pepper forces Tony to get some rest after 3AM. They both sleep peacefully that night.

 

***

 

10th of August welcomes them with blue sky and warm temperature. Peter keeps glancing at them during the breakfast, making Pepper feel guilty. Once 10 AM passes he alternates between glancing at them and at his phone, looking slightly hurt but mostly confused. 

The first to arrive are Ned and MJ with May.

Peter, who was reading on the porch, freezes in his place for a moment, shooting an incredulous look at Tony, who shrugs with a smile.

“Happy birthday, kid.” he says warmly. 

May gives Pepper a hug, while Ned is visible dumbstruck by the fact he’s sharing space with Tony Stark. MJ is playing it cool, though the short glances she’s giving him tells Pepper she isn’t indifferent as well. 

Bartons arrive with Wanda. Laura is quick to join Pepper and Tony in the kitchen, while Wanda excuses herself and goes for a short walk around the lake.

“She’s not dealing to well,” Laura explains quietly and takes a short glance at Tony, who is checking the blueberry pie recipe.

“How’s Clint?”

There’s an empty space prepared for both Vision and Natasha, with their name tags awaiting on the table. Pepper hated that sentiment at first but Tony insisted.

“It’s a family gathering and in family you remember those who are no longer with you.”

Scott and Hope with Cassie arrive at the same time as Steve and Bucky and the level of chaos starts to raise to dangerous levels as Ned is joined by Cassie in general swooning over Captain America, while MJ laughs her ass off. The blueberry pie burns in the oven while Pepper tries to find Morgan who was playing hide and seek with Barton’s kids and decided that she cannot lose. She appears only after Carol's arrival, screaming "auntie" with an absolute joy. One of chairs breaks under Bruce, forcing general redecoration of the room to make space for something that will sustain his weight. Harley seems to be terrified at the beginning but the fear disappears as he starts talking with Cassie. 

Peter smashes two plates and almost reveals his Spider-Man identity to MJ trying to save them. Stephen Strange as the only one decides to suit up and looks like an eccentric uncle who doesn’t play by the rules. Bucky tiptoes his way around Tony, unsure whether his presence is required. Sam arrives late but brings gifts from Wakanda with a letter of apology - important country matter had made it impossible for the to join the party. 

And Tony…

Tony is observing the chaos around him with the biggest grin, enjoying every single second of it. Pepper looks at him from across the room, as he hugs Peter and gives him a small package.

Not everything is fine and maybe never be, but here, at this very moment they are happy, and that’s all that matters. 

 


End file.
